Blood Memories
by StorySongs
Summary: Seras's hesitance to drink blood doesn't exactly come from revulsion...


There were bodies of ghouls torn apart on the floor, their rotten smell in the air, and blood on her claws. _(waitsincewhendidIhaveclaws)_ The rich crimson called to her, whispered of all the power and life it could give her if she'd just _drink_… She was powerless to resist.

But just as her tongue touched the red stain, fiery PAIN stabbed its way through her neck and tore her throat to shreds, blanking out the world in hot red-and-black agony…

Seras jerked back and dropped her spoon, involuntarily gagging on the blood in her mouth. It spilled down her chin and she coughed raggedly, swallowing over and over again to reassure herself that there was no holy blade lodged in her flesh. To someone outside her own head, it probably looked like she was about to vomit.

She wiped her mouth and hung her head, ashamed, pushing the heels of her hands into her eyes to quell the frustrated tears. She was safe in Hellsing's basement apartments and the wounds from the bayonets had healed (well, mostly- she still had scars) but as soon as blood touched her tongue it was if she was in that forsaken mansion yet again, remembered pain driving all logic out of her head. The cramping, achingly empty pit in her stomach was only growing more insistent by the hour, but she just couldn't force herself to drink more than a sip at any given time.

"You'll have to get over that revulsion soon, Police Girl." She flinched from her sire's low voice as he emerged from the wall.

"If you do not feed, and soon, the bloodlust will overtake you and overcome your reason. I would be forced to put you down like the lowest of maddened dogs. Is that what you want, child?" He growled softly as he crossed the kitchen to lay white-gloved hands on her shoulders. "I did not force you into this life, and I will not force you to continue existing if you cannot stand what you've become." He sighed softly. "I hate to destroy my fledglings, but I will if you become a danger to those I protect. If you make the decision now, while you are still in your right mind, it would be easier on both of us."

The well-hidden regret in his voice finally snapped her self-control. Alucard started a little in surprise as his fledgling whirled on him- only to wrap him in a hug that would have crushed most humans and bury her face into his shoulder. With a relieved breath- turning to him for comfort was a good sign- he wrapped her in the tails of his coat before returning her embrace and resting his chin on her head.

"You are not human any longer, little Draculina. This disgust of blood is unnecessary and is causing you great harm." She shuddered and shook her head.

"S'not because I think the blood's gross or anything, Master! It's just…" The words scattered from e head and she opened and closed her mouth several times trying to get them back. Alucard signed and gently grasped her by the chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.

"If it is not revulsion, then what stops you?" He tilted his head, puzzled, but she could only shake her head and stutter.

"I… dunno how to say it…"

He scoffed.

_:Then do not SAY it at all, fledgling. What is distressing you?:_

He deliberately brought the taste of blood to the forefront of her mind, searching for the attached sensations- and immediately jerked back from the sense of remembered pain.

"Oh, child…"

He picked her up and sat down in the chair, setting her still-wrapped form on his lap and curling around her protectively. She shuddered, bloody tears sliding down her face, and bit into the coat's edge without realizing it; biting and holding things in one's mouth was a common stress-induced habit among fledglings and he took no notice of it. His voice rumbled comfortingly through his chest as he stroked her hair.

"I should have realized you would be very strongly affected by what happened, but I was distracted by thoughts of murdering that damned priest for laying a finger on my fledgling." He growled low and she giggled despite herself, not entirely sure why; his protective, possessive demeanor made her feel warm all over. Maybe it was just a vampire thing.

"As you've discovered, fledglings are capable of forming very strong associations between sensations and memories; you, as young as you are, are more susceptible than most. This is usually beneficial; a sire can introduce their child to everything they'll need to know in their new life, and they will recall it effortlessly. If something goes wrong in the introduction, however, you will retain the memory until new ones replace it." He gently licked away bloody tears as she calmed and let go of her mouthful of coat.

"Luckily, this is fixable… Since your mind is still so young and malleable, all we have to do is form new connections." He picked up the spoon from the table and shook his head with a curl of his lip.

"Really, child? A spoon? If you wish to be more dignified than to drink directly from the pack, use a glass. Much more practical. However, for now your odd choice of utensil will aid us."

He lifted a spoonful of blood to her mouth and tapped it against her lips. She hesitantly opened her moth for it, but as soon as the blood hit her tongue she choked in remembered pain.

Her sire's hand firmly clamped her jaw closed, preventing her from spitting out the blood at the first taste, and he held her close as she struggled to swallow.

"Shh, fledgling. All is well, you are not hurt, you're safe…"

With her master repeating the mantra she managed to swallow and slumped against him, shaking. He just purred and cuddled her closer.

"Good girl, Seras. Very good ideed." His scent and nearness helped banish the phantom pain and her stomach let her know just how happy it was with the offering by grumbling loudly and demanding more. Alucard just laughed softly and offered a second spoonful when her shaking quieted.

Each mouthful went down easier than the last, until finally she picked up the bowl to drink the dregs with none of the former panic.

The senior vampire purred with pride as she pushed the bowl away and wrapped her more firmly in his coat as she slumped against his chest, exhaustion overtaking her. Now that she was finally fed properly she would most likely sleep the night and day through, healing the damage she had accumulated. He would move her to her coffin at dawn- for now, though, he was content to summon a bottle of wine and a book and relax with her limp body trusting as a kitten in his lap.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

I was rewatching the Hellsing anime recently, and I realized that unless I've missed something, the incident with Anderson was the very first time Seras tasted blood as a vampire. Then that got me thinking about socialization periods and what that might have meant for her long-term.

Basically, socialization periods are time periods when young animals are very open to new experiences, and what they experience during that time can influence their behavior for the rest of their lives. They're why everywhere you look, people are telling the owners of puppies to get them out of the house and experiencing as many new positive things as possible; it makes for a much better behaved adult dog who doesn't freak out over new experiences so much. However, negative experiences can linger during this time period. When my dog Alex was a puppy, he accidentally knocked over a large fan while getting a ball in my dad's workshop/mancave (he wasn't hurt but he was really startled); now, _five years later_, he STILL avoids that corner of the workshop because he was scared there when he was young. See the parallels?

So that's where this story came from.

In other news, I now have an AO3 account! You can find me there under the same penname. I'm not sure yet whether I'll be reposting all my old stories there or not, but don't worry I'm definitely not taking anything down here!

I also now have a tumblr for my writing; my url is Songsofthepen. I'll post update links, writing advice and humor, and writing references there. Come follow me if you'd like!

I hope you enjoyed, thank you for reading!

-SS


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